Thursday, November 13, 2008

More Revisions

4 comments:

Ryan said...

Shannon: This is much better.

One last thing that is unclear is what you're saying with the scratched out faces...are these students going to be drafted then killed in the iraq war, or just drafted? Right now that disconnects from the imagery.

Maybe to streamline this, you take the Vietnam reference out altogether and focus on the idea of things continuing the way they're going, there may be a draft to support the war in Iraq...simplifies the message and gives it more contemporary urgency...

This is good. Nice improvement!

Whitney said...

Maybe you could find another way to express the death of these people other than scratching their faces out.

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shannon said...

yeah i agree, i changed it to question marks, especially since it isn't supposed to mean that they are dead, more just that they got drafted.